I went back and forth about wanting to talk about our struggles with infertility and loss as I didn’t want to make it a sympathy story.

I spent so much time feeling alone, frustrated, and confused and we were doing everything right.

For anyone who knows me knows I’m a planner! It all started back in 2018 when I got engaged to my best friend! We talked about our future and when we wanted to start a family. I decided to stop birth control to allow my body to regulate without added meds. I was also on a weight loss journey as I have always struggled with my weight and wanted to look and feel amazing for my wedding day. Our plan was after we get married buy a house then we will start trying for a family.

I began to track my cycles with ovulation strips and took my BBT so I can ensure I knew my body’s cycles down to the T as there is ONLY a 20% chance to convince naturally and a very short window. Sex Ed didn’t teach you that in high school! I had my regular check-up with my DR and got blood work done to ensure everything was good to start trying!

2020 rolls around were house hunting and we being to try for a family. I had my first chemical pregnancy in March. I got a very faint positive and the next day it went to a negative. I received blood work and my Dr said I most likely had a chemical pregnancy, but it was a good sign I could get pregnant. After that my cycles went all over the place and the stress of 2020 didn’t help either. Because my cycles were inconsistent my Dr recommend, I get an ultrasound to see what was going on. She found a cyst on my ovaries a tilted uterus and potently a fibroid. At that time, she referred me to an OB who could better care and help with what I was now going through.

The first appointment went well and was told I everything looked good on his end and I’m just prone to cysts and come back in a month. June comes around still unable to conceive and feeling defeated and not feeling like I was getting the answers I wanted or needed. God bless sisters in the medical field as they truly helped me asked the right questions to get more information. I have been prescribed Letrozole for 7 months and was told to come back if it doesn’t work.

Now here’s where I wish I had the knowledge that I do now so I can advocate for myself. I didn’t know this at the time but when you are on fertility meds like Letrozole you should have a monthly appointment to see if the drug is working. That wasn’t the case here and I shouldn’t have been on a drug for that length of time. I experienced all the side effects, weight gain, mood swings, hot flashes, the most painful periods of my life, and even depression. I felt like I was going crazy, and it put a strain on me but also my husband. He didn’t know how to help me, and I didn’t know what I needed. I went in for a follow-up appointment in November and was told I have a septum uterus. This can cause loss or miscarriages later in pregnancy but won’t affect during early pregnancy or even conception. So of course, hearing that news doesn’t help or put your mind at ease. The last thing I wanted to hear was just “relax it will happen”. That isn’t a helpful saying to anyone who is TTC.

This brings us to December and I finally decided that I need to consult with a fertility specialist thanks to some great advice from my sister. The soonest I could get in wouldn’t be until February 3rd. Well January rolls around and I started having weird pregnancy symptoms and something told me I needed to take a test. Well, low and behold I was finally pregnant!

It was a surprise as I had my period a week prior. I was so confused as everything I read there is no way I could be pregnant. So of course, I took 3 more tests and all said I was 100% pregnant! So, the next day I go get blood work and my first HCG number was low at 28, I needed to get more blood work in 48 hours to see if they double and that’s a good healthy sign of a sticky baby. My next round of numbers was 32, so they didn’t double and now my OB was worried about an ectopic pregnancy.

For three weeks I was getting blood work 2-3 times per week and ultrasound each week to ensure It wasn’t an ectopic pregnancy. I tested every day with at-home pregnancy tests willing this baby to stay.

My numbers were slowly rising but not like they should base on how far along I should be. I had all the symptoms, I was nauseous, tired, and had sore breasts. We prayed and prayed that this would be our baby even though our OB warned us that it wasn’t looking good.

The same day of my consult with my fertility Dr we got the news while driving down that my HCG numbers dropped significantly, and I am going to miscarry this pregnancy. What a great first impression to our new Dr two people who were emotional finding out the worst possible news. He understood and at that moment for the first time we had someone who would listen and understand what we are going through and can help.

He orders tests right away to rule out all the possible causes of infertility. February was a test month to rule out a septum uterus, fibroids, and endometriosis. The good news everything came back clear! We now have a good plan and monitored medication to get us on the right path.

If anything, I learned from this process is knowledge is power. Advocate for yourself, talk about it as it can feel like you are on an island all on your own. Share your story so others don’t feel so alone. Get a fantastic support system. I don’t know what I would do without my family and friends. This shouldn’t be a shameful process and it shouldn’t be swept under the rug. The more awareness we can bring, the more support others can have including insurance companies. I was shocked to find out that even though infertility is a medical diagnosis, not all insurances cover infertility! So not only is it an emotional, physical toll but can be a financial toll.

Thank you to everyone who has reached out and shared either their stories or just kind words ❤
We know God has a plan for us and we will continue on this path and I will keep you updated on our journey 😊.